Slivers and Silver Linings

Mayday Cam You are overbearing, I'm not in love But I don't wanna tell you We've been contemplating how to give it up But I can't convince you And we've been hopelessly holding too tight When we don't even need to And as the water fills this sinking ship I know we have to leave too Oh-oh Oh-oh Mayday, mayday This is an emergency Mayday, mayday You've gotta let me leave I'm laying here, inches away But you can't hear me call mayday, yeah, yeah I said I'm moving on, 'cause things were getting rough But here I am in your bed I strung it on too long, afraid to be alone Now we're in over our heads It's either sink or swim, we've tried so many times For worse or for better It tears my heart in two to leave it all behind And say goodbye forever Oh-oh Oh-oh Mayday, mayday This is an emergency Mayday, mayday You've gotta let me leave I'm laying here, inches away But you can't hear m...

Life Lately November has rolled in and the weather has dropped a couple more degrees, we have a pleasant 75 degree weather outside now, and it's really nice. I've been constantly reaffirmed that life is all about our choices. How we react to things we can't control, how we deal with our emotions, what we think about, and what we choose to do with our time all creates our reality. I've gave myself permission to let go of people and things that only bring chaos about, and have no regard for others. I breathed it in, and then breathed it out, and I felt at peace with that. I've been reading about Capsule wardrobes, and I want to start working towards one, and stop buying cheap, ill fitting clothes just because they are on sale, and kind of cute. If I don't adore it, i'm not buying it and this is going for stuff in my house too. I did some de-junking and felt so liberated. I'm sure there's more of that to be done, too. Realized I can d...

Some women grow up dreaming of having children, becoming a mother, getting married. They have there weddings planned out far before they have met there future husbands. Not me. When I was younger, and a teenager, and even in my early twenties, Marriage scared me, the thought of having children wasn't a priority, and I had a very small idea of what i'd want my wedding to look like.  I have always loved animals, but small children, especially if they were misbehaved didn't really catch my fancy. I wouldn't say that I didn't like children, I just didn't feel connected or all that interested in other peoples children outside of my nieces and nephews, or family members I guess. Sounds pretty selfish right? So it's been a surprise to me to learn just how much I actually do love children. It started once I had finally hit the "baby hungry" stage of life. I'd never, ever, really wanted a baby before, and it wasn't a possibility, it ...

Mental Illness has stole from you and my heart is very heavy. it's easier to ignore a problem like mental illness than address it, to do so, many people feel they are admitting weakness, but do we not go see a doctor when we are sick?  is a ruptured appendix not as serious as a ruptured mind?  At some point in life, we are faced with a choice, to either turn and face our daemons, or let them chase us and hope they don't catch up.  Our loyalty must lie to our own happiness, and joys in life, before anyone else's, or else we have not only failed them, we have failed our selves. Without self love, and worth, what is life, and how can we truly love another person, while we are expecting them to love us, and fill us up and make us happy? in doing so, you drain every person around you, and end up alone, wondering why. My dad used to say to me you can't fix people.  He is right.  We can try to help, offer resources, and advice, but ultimately People have ...

For Next Go Round, Remember: ·          While being pregnant, I was convinced that at the six week mark I would be back at it working out. Depending on the delivery you have, and how you recover this may not happen. Be gentle on yourself, and let your body heal.  ·          I compared myself to other moms that I admired, and I felt bad for myself that I wasn't up for working out yet. I felt like I should have been going on walks and running by this time, I wasn't in a place recovery wise to do this. Walks were okay, running was painful and made my hips ache, and I can't say that this isn't still the case sometimes. Like I'm not going to be running everyday still. ·          Having a forceps assisted birth is going to take a bit longer to recover from. I pray I don’t have to do this again. ·          You ma...

Today is one of those days that I would have rather avoided, and hoped didn't happen.Though it could be worse. We took Lincoln to the vet to get his hip checked out since he has been favoring it for a while. We started to notice him favoring his hip right after he got his Rabies booster shots, and attributed the limping to the shots. When it didn't go away within a few days, and he was meowing when he'd try to get up from a laying down position, we figured he may have pulled a ligament or strained a muscle from climbing and jumping my moms 6 foot tall fence, it made sense that this could have happened, so we were kind of waiting to see if it would get better, and then with the move, and waiting on Marks student loans to come in more time passed, and here we are, just now getting our cat into the vet.  I have known for a while now in my heart that something was wrong, more wrong than just a sore muscle. I feel like i'm naturally kind of intuitive in this way, I've ...

 We live in a tucked away two complex town home that has a dirt road leading back into a dead end. It’s pretty private, there’s one other unit that we can see from our front room window. Both the town homes have two town homes per unit. So total we have 3 neighbors. We didn't know if we should go and introduce ourselves or not. It’s hard moving to a new place, and meeting new people. The times we'd seen our neighbors they didn't seem interested in chatting with us, so we just exchanged a wave or a hello once in a while when our paths crossed. That is until one Friday night mark and I were living it up, watching a Netflix marathon of Malcom in the Middle, when there was a knock on our door. Both of us looked at each other a little surprised. We don't know anyone, so you know... we opened the door with caution. A collage aged girl stood there, and introduced herself to us, she was one of our neighbors! Mark and I were thrilled to meet her, and to have someone...

Hey little man, Today marks a significant life changing moment in mine and dad’s lives. A year ago today mom took a test, two little lines showed up, very, very faintly. Those lines let me know we would be expecting you. See, I had been anticipating that it would take us much longer to get a positive test, because when I was younger, around 13 years old, I had an emergency surgery after finding out my appendix had been ruptured for three days. The doctors told me the infection was pretty bad, and had spread into my reproductive organs, they said I would have around a 70% chance of being able to have a baby. I hadn't given this much thought until dad and I had started thinking about having a baby. I decided to ask google, which is usually not a good idea, because Dr. Google usually has a lot of scary things and all that I found from other people who had similar surgery’s from having ruptured appendix were pretty negative. I feared I wouldn't be able to have babies at all ...

So we did it, we moved to Pensacola Florida. Ryker and I arrived August 9th at the Pensacola Florida airport. A tiny little plane brought us over, there were maybe 30 seats on that plane, and I’m sure when people saw a tiny baby boarding they cringed a little bit. I can imagine they may have been thinking “Yikes! A baby, and it will probably cry the whole way”. Well that didn't happen, luckily. My little guy slept the entire time, except for like 15 minutes when he ate, he slept for both plane rides, was awake in the airport, ate again on the next plane, and then slept again until we landed, where he promptly had a massive blowout that went all the way up his back. I was so grateful he waited to have his blow out until we were landing, because I don’t think I could have changed him in that tiny bathroom on the plane, and I wouldn't have had time to change him at our layover in Dallas, TX. Our flight from Salt Lake arrived late and I had just enough time to pee, buy a pre...

Ever since mothers day, I have been trying to write a post about how much I appreciate the mothers in my life. Not only my main moms, but the moms who mothered me even though they had no obligation to. But I want to reach farther than that, because it isn't just mothers, it fathers, and best friends, and extended family. Its people who are willing to reach out to children in hard times, hard situations and say " you are important, I will love you, and listen, and distract you and help you through this." and that my friends, takes a village.  So here is a shout out to my village, To my second families growing up ( The Christensen and Holden's) My cousin Heather, To Jana, Mary, Heather Bonbon and Kimberly Sears, to my step mom Maryanne, and my sisters, to my mother, and last but not least, my dad who truly is an amazing man.  I love you all, I am forever changed because I have known you, and loved you and exper...