09/03/2015, A hotel Womb is Discovered

Hey little man,

Today marks a significant life changing moment in mine and dad’s lives. A year ago today mom took a test, two little lines showed up, very, very faintly. Those lines let me know we would be expecting you. See, I had been anticipating that it would take us much longer to get a positive test, because when I was younger, around 13 years old, I had an emergency surgery after finding out my appendix had been ruptured for three days. The doctors told me the infection was pretty bad, and had spread into my reproductive organs, they said I would have around a 70% chance of being able to have a baby.

I hadn't given this much thought until dad and I had started thinking about having a baby. I decided to ask google, which is usually not a good idea, because Dr. Google usually has a lot of scary things and all that I found from other people who had similar surgery’s from having ruptured appendix were pretty negative. I feared I wouldn't be able to have babies at all due to internal scaring of my Fallopian tubes, or left over toxins that may have been hanging out in my tubes. Other things worried me about this too, if the scarring was in my Fallopian tubes it would increase the risk of me having something called an ectopic pregnancy, which means you would have started to grow inside my tiny little tube, instead of make your way into the comfy, roomy and cozy hotel of the uterus. If this had happened it could have been very, very bad for me and for you. I would have survived, but you, my little man, would not have. It also would have lowered my chances of conceiving even more.

I had a cry after telling your dad about all of this, and he was really sweet. We hadn't been trying for you all that long, and all the advice I’d received, was to wait a year and then go see a fertility doctor. It takes the average, healthy adult a year to conceive, or so they say, so if there had been a problem, we would have had to wait before we could start doing test to find out if something was wrong. Anyway, your dad has a way of dealing with me that is comforting, calming and reassuring. He was sympathetic, but didn't freak out like I was, and it helped me feel better.

Well little man that was all pretty silly because a week or so later we found out that you were hanging out, a dividing bundle of cells, looking for a cozy place to park your placenta for the next 9.5 months. We were beyond excited!

Mom is a worrier. I'm a stresser. I'm a planner, and if I've learned anything about myself since having you, it's that I'm a little bit of a control freak. I want to know what’s going to happen, I want to be prepared etc.. Which made it so I was scanning the internet, reading all that I could find about pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, and all the things that can potentially go wrong in that first trimester and on ward. Is this a healthy thing to do? Probably not, but I felt it better prepared me for if something did happen. I'd rather not be blindsided, knowledge is power, right?

After I took that test, I started to worry, what if... you were an ectopic pregnancy, or a chemical pregnancy, what if you were just a sack with no baby, what if you were a baby but with no heartbeat. Baby boy, I was not that kind of mom who took one pregnancy test, then kick backed and chilled until the ultrasound, or the appointment where you hear the heartbeat. Nope, I wanted to be sure you were real, and I may have taken a couple more- like 8, tests just to make sure that line was getting darker and clearer... You know, just to be sure… what the crazy pregnant lady right?!

I just loved you and wanted you to stay put, and grow and develop the way you were supposed to. Dad and I made our first doctor’s appointment to make sure that you were doing all of that (well as good as we could tell at this time), and at that appointment they took us in to do an ultrasound to find out how you were doing, and when we could expect your arrival, although we had a pretty good idea.

Turns out those aps you find online are pretty accurate, because they told me the same thing the doctor did, and according to your size at 8 weeks and 3 days, you were on track to be born on or around May 14th, 2016. Mom was really, really excited to see you. You were a little blob that didn't resemble a baby at all, but you had a heartbeat that was strong and we could see it flickering away.

I was so grateful for that. Although we weren't out of the clear, the OB let us know that by seeing a heartbeat at this point we were 90% in the clear of having a healthy pregnancy that carried to term, though he didn't promise us this, he just said that statistically that was our chance. I felt relieved and happy, and the next couple of weeks seemed to move much quicker.

We told our families we were pregnant fairly early, I can’t keep big exciting secrets very long, at least my own secrets, dad wanted to wait until 12 weeks when we'd be more in the clear of losing the pregnancy, But I just felt that the more people who knew the more good vibes and well wishes towards your health and wellness there would be, I also thought it would be nice to have that support and love. 

We told our families and closest friend’s fairly early, I think by the time I was 6 weeks, we had told everyone in our families and two of our closest friends. I just couldn't contain my excitement.

Telling our families was my favorite, I loved all of their genuinely excited reactions. So many people loved you instantly, and anticipated your arrival. It was also so exciting because your birthday was so close to your Grandpa Alleys Birthday. When I went past my due date with you, I didn't love it, but I secretly hoped you'd be born on your grandpas Birthday. Your grandpa is most definitely one of the kindest, wisest, intelligent, funny, musically talented, loving and giving man I’ve ever met. I'm sure I’m biased because he raised me, but I feel like everyone who knows him loves him, and he sure loves you little man. You and Grandpa have the same birthday, and it's a gift to him, and me and to you. You’re a special little guy, and we are so grateful for you in our lives.

September 3, 2015 is a very important day. Before that day we were just Mark and Rachelle, a family of two with a cat named Lincoln, our fur baby, after that day we were parents waiting to meet their baby, and we were a potential family of 3. The best day of our lives, besides getting to meet you in the flesh on May 19th, 2016.

Thanks for coming and making our lives feel more whole

Love,

 Your overly worrisome mother.