Slivers and Silver Linings

Dear Mike, I'm having a hard time processing that you are gone, I think about you, and this lump just suddenly appears in my throat. I try to swallow it down because I hate to cry, which is silly right? Death is painful.Death is so final.  when someone is alive you almost take it for granted, like oh I could make things right with them any day, or I could see them around again and talk to them if I wanted to. When someone dies you can't. You only get a grave if you're lucky, and memories if you're not. You get to pray to them, or talk to them and hope they know how much they were loved. I loved you and now you are gone, and that is hard for me to grasp, and while I didn't think we would get this kind of news so soon, I had a feeling that if you didn't change your path in life would only be a matter of time. That's another reason it was such a hard thing to hear, because I wanted you to be okay, to get your life in check, Mark and I honored you y...

Mayday Cam You are overbearing, I'm not in love But I don't wanna tell you We've been contemplating how to give it up But I can't convince you And we've been hopelessly holding too tight When we don't even need to And as the water fills this sinking ship I know we have to leave too Oh-oh Oh-oh Mayday, mayday This is an emergency Mayday, mayday You've gotta let me leave I'm laying here, inches away But you can't hear me call mayday, yeah, yeah I said I'm moving on, 'cause things were getting rough But here I am in your bed I strung it on too long, afraid to be alone Now we're in over our heads It's either sink or swim, we've tried so many times For worse or for better It tears my heart in two to leave it all behind And say goodbye forever Oh-oh Oh-oh Mayday, mayday This is an emergency Mayday, mayday You've gotta let me leave I'm laying here, inches away But you can't hear m...

Life Lately November has rolled in and the weather has dropped a couple more degrees, we have a pleasant 75 degree weather outside now, and it's really nice. I've been constantly reaffirmed that life is all about our choices. How we react to things we can't control, how we deal with our emotions, what we think about, and what we choose to do with our time all creates our reality. I've gave myself permission to let go of people and things that only bring chaos about, and have no regard for others. I breathed it in, and then breathed it out, and I felt at peace with that. I've been reading about Capsule wardrobes, and I want to start working towards one, and stop buying cheap, ill fitting clothes just because they are on sale, and kind of cute. If I don't adore it, i'm not buying it and this is going for stuff in my house too. I did some de-junking and felt so liberated. I'm sure there's more of that to be done, too. Realized I can d...

Some women grow up dreaming of having children, becoming a mother, getting married. They have there weddings planned out far before they have met there future husbands. Not me. When I was younger, and a teenager, and even in my early twenties, Marriage scared me, the thought of having children wasn't a priority, and I had a very small idea of what i'd want my wedding to look like.  I have always loved animals, but small children, especially if they were misbehaved didn't really catch my fancy. I wouldn't say that I didn't like children, I just didn't feel connected or all that interested in other peoples children outside of my nieces and nephews, or family members I guess. Sounds pretty selfish right? So it's been a surprise to me to learn just how much I actually do love children. It started once I had finally hit the "baby hungry" stage of life. I'd never, ever, really wanted a baby before, and it wasn't a possibility, it ...

Mental Illness has stole from you and my heart is very heavy. it's easier to ignore a problem like mental illness than address it, to do so, many people feel they are admitting weakness, but do we not go see a doctor when we are sick?  is a ruptured appendix not as serious as a ruptured mind?  At some point in life, we are faced with a choice, to either turn and face our daemons, or let them chase us and hope they don't catch up.  Our loyalty must lie to our own happiness, and joys in life, before anyone else's, or else we have not only failed them, we have failed our selves. Without self love, and worth, what is life, and how can we truly love another person, while we are expecting them to love us, and fill us up and make us happy? in doing so, you drain every person around you, and end up alone, wondering why. My dad used to say to me you can't fix people.  He is right.  We can try to help, offer resources, and advice, but ultimately People have ...

For Next Go Round, Remember: ·          While being pregnant, I was convinced that at the six week mark I would be back at it working out. Depending on the delivery you have, and how you recover this may not happen. Be gentle on yourself, and let your body heal.  ·          I compared myself to other moms that I admired, and I felt bad for myself that I wasn't up for working out yet. I felt like I should have been going on walks and running by this time, I wasn't in a place recovery wise to do this. Walks were okay, running was painful and made my hips ache, and I can't say that this isn't still the case sometimes. Like I'm not going to be running everyday still. ·          Having a forceps assisted birth is going to take a bit longer to recover from. I pray I don’t have to do this again. ·          You ma...

Today is one of those days that I would have rather avoided, and hoped didn't happen.Though it could be worse. We took Lincoln to the vet to get his hip checked out since he has been favoring it for a while. We started to notice him favoring his hip right after he got his Rabies booster shots, and attributed the limping to the shots. When it didn't go away within a few days, and he was meowing when he'd try to get up from a laying down position, we figured he may have pulled a ligament or strained a muscle from climbing and jumping my moms 6 foot tall fence, it made sense that this could have happened, so we were kind of waiting to see if it would get better, and then with the move, and waiting on Marks student loans to come in more time passed, and here we are, just now getting our cat into the vet.  I have known for a while now in my heart that something was wrong, more wrong than just a sore muscle. I feel like i'm naturally kind of intuitive in this way, I've ...